Stand-in, ed. 3
This is Gnome Chomsky. He hangs around my house looking super creepy. A while back, prepping a shoot with Little Miss A, he totally came in handy. For the very first time.
Prepare to be all over the place. If you are new here, check out the history of the Stand-in here or here.
I’ve had this post hanging around for a while. I decided to get this up today because Gnome has had a lot of action in the last 24 hours. DUG’s parents came over for dinner Sunday – for the first time. Did you hear that, Internet? His parents came over for dinner for the first time. And everything’s fine. Nothing burned down. Nothing exploded. No one cried or ran screaming. And no one took out a white glove. See Diana. I told you it would be fine.
Anyhoo… In the midst of the wonderful day we spent together, we re-lived the story of how Gnome Chomsky came to reside with me in Black Rock.
DUG is the notorious White Elephant gifter at his office. Messily wrapped, gigantic, carrot-noses poking holes through paper are his trademark. Every year the people of the St. John’s (home of the Red Storm – go me! sport!) Athletics Department await his gift with bated breath. Or so he says. In fact, it’s summer and he’s already trolling through our local Home Goods for the most… uh… well… I don’t want to put words in his mouth here (creepy, tacky, completely useless, gargantuan, and dare I say unsightly…) because one never really knows how he chooses – it’s an art. Let me just tell you that one year was a giant, ungainly, snowman head, made of pantyhose and sadly missing some of the actual coal hot glued on as a smiling mouth. Crafty as I am, I was unable to come up with replacement coal in time for the gift giving extravaganza (12 hours later). Where does one get coal these days?
So, one holiday, DUG procured Gnome while I was picking up some things for the house. On the day of the gift exchange, Gnome was still in my living room. Far, far away from the Queens campus of St. John’s. Have no fear! DUG ran a few quick errands and had satisfactorily replace Gnome with I-know-not-what.
This thing is staying in my house?! Get. It. Out. My house of no storage – no basement, no attic, not even a spare closet? Yes. In a corner that could not be more perfect in dimension and design, there Gnome lived for 365 days. And then it happened. DUG needed a new gift for the gift exchange. “Shall I give Gnome?” he asked. Well, it was more more like, “mumble, mumble, Gnome? Or should I find something else and leave him there?” And I was all “GNOME?! You can’t take my Gnome! With his awesome and crazy eyebrows! Who will stare at me creepily when you are not here?!!” And he was all, “Ha, ha! I have won you over with my amazing taste and extraordinary gift giving skills.” (or something like that.)
So now we are going on a couple of years and Gnome is a vital member of the family home. Good story, yes?
Then. After DUG’s parents have gone home. And the story of how Gnome came to be was shared. As if that weren’t enough attention for one Gnome. At approximately 8:45 pm, Chewbaca Scotto, lifted his teeny, tiny little leg, and yes folks, PEED ON GNOME’s FEET. (see above for aforementioned feet.) Gnome’s still recovering from the shock and betrayal of it all.
Ahem. Remember we are here for the Stand-in? I warned you about the all over the place. Here’s Little Miss A, the real deal on that shoot. The one where Gnome came in handy. For the very first time.
