There are some absolutely beautiful blogs out there for artists, crafters and DIYers. This is not one of those blogs.

Yesterday, my husband and I decided to color Easter eggs. Hang on… Yesterday, I decided DUG and I should color Easter eggs, and when I was bouncing up and down in front of Michael’s shouting ‘oooh, can we?!’ and ‘let’s!’ DUG smiled and said ‘sure.’

You see, I was thinking of this compelling blog post on Decor8 by the incredibly talented artist, Leslie Shewring. I recently had the pleasure of taking an inspiring weekend class led by Leslie and Holly Becker of Decor8, and I’m still a little bit star/awe-struck. And so I thought, for just a moment, that I could make eggs this heart-breakingly beautiful and then have this fabulous companion blog post with amazing pictures. But, of course, my crafting never looks like Leslie’s crafting.

First off, we step into Michael’s and after an interminable amount of time (during which I’m feeling guilty since poor DUG is waiting ever so patiently, with the simplest and most disheartening answer in hand, a PAAS dye kit) I have unshelved and reshelved hundreds of dollars worth of glitter and paints. In the enormous line to pay, just as we are getting to the front, I have a change of heart and DUG lets me run back to the glitter aisle for a swap. Whoo. Panic attack averted. As we go down the escalator I tell DUG how proud I am that I only spent $14 and change and have the correct supplies we need to communicate my artistic vision, STAR WARS EASTER EGGS. Did you know there is a Star Wars color scheme? There totally is! And it’s primary colors! I am ready!

This is the first thing my husband has heard me say in the last 45 minutes because it started with Star Wars. That and we were finally reaching the fresh air from the recirculated air of the craft store.

So we get home and I go get 2 cartons of eggs. One to prick with a pin and blow out, because I still think I’m going to make eggs like Leslie’s. And one to hard boil and let DUG handle in his big mitts to paint like Star Wars characters. He’s still yessing me at this point. But it’s ridiculous that he would doubt our ability to make this happen since we totally made an x-wing fighter out of gingerbread for Christmas! On Hoth. And DUG made this crazy, incredible Wampa without any assistance from me.

Afternoon Interlude: Enter Tricia with a 3rd carton of eggs. Little Miss A (minus 1 tooth) ripped open the PAAS kit, and we mixed all the colors and dyed a dozen eggs super quick. By the way, this stuff is way more fun to do with a 5-year-old. You should get one. I’ve got dibs on A, so find your own. (I’ve also got dibs on Chase.)

Now, at this point, I’m realizing, there is little chance of my eggs, or my photos, looking anywhere near as professional as Leslie’s. How do you people keep your crafting spaces looking like that? So pristine like? Mine looks like a tornado and a pterodactyl flew through. Seriously.

This is not going well. Enter, self doubt. Enter, tequila. And as I’m getting light-headed from blowing the center out of the eggs (yeh – we’ll talk about that another time), I get another ill-advised wave of positivity. I can totally do this. We can totally do this. Bring on the googly eyes!

And the rest was totally fun and normal! If decorating eggs inspired by Star Wars characters can be construed as normal. I had some moments of genius: brown glitter Chewbacca fur and 1-eyed R2D2. And some moments of failure: Yoda (hangs head in shame, she does). And I think Dug had huge wins with Emperor Palpatine and his guards. I was having so much fun, that as I stood on the terrace with my Spray Mount, patting myself on the back for coming up with the best method for the fixative coating for glitter, I never even cared that I was covering my whole hand in adhesive.

This crap would never happen to Leslie Shewring.

So it’s 24 hours later and my left hand is still covered shmutz. Last night it was like I was a human version of one of those sticky goo hand swatters you had as a kid, the kind you used to grab papers and such from a far. The kind that would get covered with lint and tissue and detritus from whatever it touched. Yeh. My hand has accumulated a fine coating of dust and lint and tissue fiber – so along with the already present glitter and adhesive, it’s fuzzy. And still sticky.

My husband absolutely refused to believe that the shit wouldn’t come off. He was all, ‘Did you wash your hands?!’ And I’m all, ‘Snap! Genius idea!’ as if I hadn’t already washed my hands like 10 times. Two of those times with straight rubbing alcohol. And when he could no longer stand my whining about my fingers sticking together and my not being able to knit because every piece of fabric was adhering to my skin, he took me to the bathroom and washed my hands for the 11th time. You know. To show me how it’s done. Seriously.

When was the last time you had your hand washed for you? It’s totally weird and nostalgic and I couldn’t stop laughing. Mostly because I was right. And really that’s all that matters. Being right. It didn’t make a difference how hard he scrubbed, and then as the water got hotter, my hands just got stickier. And I laughed harder. So then he just started scratching at the Chewbacca-colored, glitter-covered areas with his big man hands and I laughed even harder. But this time really to cover up the suffering.

Just so you know, for future, in case you’re ever making a glitter Chewbacca egg, these are the directions on the can of Spray Mount for skin contact: Immediately flush skin with large amounts of water. Get medical attention.

So, just to be clear… Using your teeth to scrape off the adhesive is frowned upon?

Also, to be clear… I’ve run out of tequila.